The Constant Battle

I don't know about you, but I seem constantly to be having an internal battle...Between my heart and my head. In my heart I love my job, don't like letting people down...want to live in a perfect home, with a perfect husband...be a perfect mother and grandmother. In my head I know I should not take on so much extra...thinking I will be earning more to bring home comes at a price...My tax return is a case in point. They changed my tax code about three times throughout the year, and coupled with my share of the business profit I now have a reasonable amount of tax to pay as I need to also pay on account for the next year. Happy New Year everyone! Unfortunately I had been gazing lovingly at my payslips each month and thinking the build fund would have a good footing. It seems as though I just cannot win. When I do work these extra hours I do not have either the time or the energy to keep up with the business paperwork. Is there a magic formula? I know I'm a soft target for the managers asking for help filling in the rota...I need to grow a thicker skin, and quick!

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I think I need to focus on keeping what we do earn in our home more...it's all too tempting to buy convenience meals or opt for a cheeky takeaway when we're tired. Good old jacket potatoes are brilliant for us as the Aga is on anyway. Winning ways with a jacket potato anyone?! Also facing the fact that we are not quite as young as we once were is a hard one...I find a day with young Henry exhausting. His mum says he doesn't have an on/off switch, just a timer...7am untill 7pm. That's a lot of Henry as he has a sleep mid morning for anything from 15 minutes to an hour then gets progressively tireder after lunch but just rolls around, balances on his head, climbs whatever he can and generally bounces on anything that looks the slightest bit bouncy...not necessarily safe...just bouncy. He is one fine rascal, and I adore him.

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Moving forward I am due back to work next Monday...for a shift providing activities, then Wednesday I should be back as a carer. I used to do lots of knitting, sewing and other crafty things...this was I'm sure good for my soul. Now I barely have time or energy to read the blogs I love to follow. I haven't properly watched a television series in years. It all seems just too much trouble. I'm thinking as long as I can earn enough to pay our mortgage each month, the rest must come from the business and with me able to issue bills faster and keep on top of things hopefully this will be possible. For a long time I've felt as if I'm on a merry-go-round...it's been getting faster...and I just haven't been brave enough to jump. My sick leave if nothing else has given me the opportunity to see what life is like off of the neverending whizz and whirl. 

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Last night though still very cold was probably no more than minus 4 here, and I am hopeful that the washing machine will function before too much of the day has passed. I want to have a go driving the car for the first time since doing my back the injustice of it's injury. Stamps...we need stamps...and I'll be sure to menu plan for the rest of the week. It's amazing how much one can save by doing this simple task. Later I need to begin the arduous task of looking at the dratted paperwork again. I really am sick and tired of playing catchup. It is so much harder to sort out queries that are as old as the hills and not fresh in the mind.

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And so blessings to you all,

J. x